I was recently re-watching Pride and Prejudice when I couldn't help but be amused by Mr. Collins and his pompousness.
While one may brush aside his self -importance and blind deference to social superiors, it is hard to not suffer from second hand embarrassment when he launches into one of his many cringeworthy monologues. Never quite understanding when to pause, or offer the other party a chance to speak, his attempts at conversations are hilarious and make him one of the least likeable characters in the book / movie ( which already has many unlikeable characters that we could choose from). Be it interrupting Elizabeth or proclaiming that he has never had such exemplary potatoes, Mr. Collins might well be someone you do not want to be seated next to. Ever.
While none of us are as embarrassing as Mr. Collins at the art of holding a conversation, it might be a good idea to have a quick refresher on how we can be better at it. Trust me, the only time a monologue wins you hearts and accolades is when you are one of the characters in a movie or on stage. Off the screen, you will be hard pressed to establish a genuine connection if you decide to indulge in a monologue ( save all the pent-up monologue energy for your Hamlet audition).
So here are three tips for you that will ensure you have a lively dialogue with the person next to you!
Embrace the silence
You might loathe the idea of an uncomfortable silence ( who doesn't) but the more times you draw big chunky pauses into your conversation the more opportunity you give the other side to say something back to you and suddenly it is not a one way street anymore and you have got a good open dialogue going. It is up to you to indicate you are going to leave some space for them to start talking back to you.
Emotional Thermometer questions
You are going to use what we call emotional thermometer questions. Quite literally. You are going to check in with how they are feeling about what you are saying and you can use really simple questions like, how close are we to the mark with this one or how is that landing with you. Good open questions followed by a chunky silence, means that the other party have a chance to open up a conversation with you
Set ground rules
Literally indicate when you are setting out an agenda, that you are expecting their opinions back. This way they are going to be prepared to say something and they are not surprised by it. It means you can initiate the conversation with them with a sentence as simple as we are going to talk about A and then we would love to get your opinions on B C and D. This means you are going to be getting engagement from the other party and it is going to feel more like a fun conversation, and not like a very formal interview.
So there, three tips for dialogues that are engaging! These will ensure that you are as lively as Ms. Elizabeth Bennet and as liked as Mr. Bingley. As the weather warms up and your social calendar fills up with garden parties, barbeques, weddings and picnics, I am sure these will help you amp up your conversation game and make you a crowd favourite!
P.S. There is second hand embarrassment and then there is 'my-pompous-cousin-is-making-a-utter-fool-of-himself-by-breaching-social-protocol-and-self-introducing-himself-to-a-wealthy-aristocrat-and-my-family-shall-never-socially-recover-from-faux-pas' embarrassment. The look of horror and exasperation on the faces of the onlookers though!
